When they played the military funeral honors at my Father’s funeral I felt like I was a character in a movie. It was just absolutely beautiful, and heartbreaking at the same time. This was the first funeral I ever experienced that was someone who was apart of me.
My father meant the entire world to me, and I love him so much and I had to say goodbye,
which was one of the biggest fears which was my biggest fear ever in life, I even looked back in my journals in 2006 and saw it. It was so hard to say goodbye to my Father, because I know he didn’t want to go because he loved us, but he had to go because it wasn’t fair to us to keep him on this earth.
It felt like I was losing the love of my life, my Father is the only man I’ve ever trusted. He’s always had my best interest no matter how hard-headed I was, and through every heartbreak I’ve ever experienced he kept a smile on my face whether he knew it or not.
My Father taught me that there are good men in this world- even one who make mistakes can be good men. That’s why a Father’s love is so important, it gives little girls hope- if a man like my Father exists then there has to be good in men.
Without my Father I wouldn’t know my self-worth, and what I was capable of, he taught me to believe in myself and forced me to do so. No matter how much I cried or became frustrated he forced me to finish a task and he sat by my side until I did.
I remember the day I won of the ‘Young Authors Award’ in 4th grade for my book Freaky Friday. My dad sat by me through every page, and every word, and helped me type my book up on a typewriter.
My Father loved me unconditionally and always wanted the best for me, he would support my dreams and seek out what was best for me- even when I thought what was best for me was the opposite of what he suggested. He didn’t budge. My Father refused to let me fail, and so did my Mother. I spent too many years disappointing him, but I also spent years proving him wrong. I hope, and I know that he passed knowing I became the strong smart women he made me.
Life happens for a reason and my path became so clear.The day of my Father’s funeral I got the chance I’ve been waiting for. A career in the industry I wanted to get in, a creative agency. I got the call before the start of his funeral, and after that call I smiled and looked up to the ceiling and said to myself.. ‘I know you are watching me.” My heart filled up with so much joy because even though he was physically gone I could feel him in my heart and around me.
I’m blessed and words won’t even express it. Thru the week of the funeral was finals, and it was overbearing but I refused to let myself breakdown and fail. It’s not what I wanted, and it’s not what my Dad would have wanted. Any normal person in their right mind would probably totally have a mental breakdown through that week. It was the week of my birthday, the funeral was the day before, the week of finals but I made it thru.
Even our biggest storms create an ending…however you’re ending is just you’re new beginning. 2013 was probably the hardest year of my life…2014 has become a bittersweet best. I’m in the industry I want to pursue a career in, and I bought my first home. I experienced the most heartbreaking moment of my life and I’m still here.
I’m blessed but I will always feel a hole in my heart. One day I will trust someone enough to fill it.
Rest in Paradise
Frank Marshell Jr, 1936 - 2013 <3. I will always love you forever & ever…forever ever ever.